Night Crumbs

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

This is the first official picture of Susan Sarandon as Bette Davis and Jessica Lange as Joan Crawford in FX’s Feud. I’ll save my thoughts for when I see them in action, because that picture isn’t giving me Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. It’s giving me Susan Sarandon in costume as Mrs. White from Clue and Jessica Lange as Leona Helmsley. Also, that Joan Crawford eyebrow situation just isn’t right. Those brows should be so thick that they stain my monitor. And yes that was me “saving my thoughts” – Just Jared

Sebastian Stan looks like he’s not legally allowed to live near a school, so what I’m trying to say is that he nailed the Jeff Gillooly look – Lainey Gossip

More like SCAT WillisDrunken Stepfather

Three seconds after breaking up with her last pap stroll partner, Hillary Duff has thankfully found a new pap stroll partner – Celebitchy

Ben Affleck’s (probably real) back tattoo must have breathed a fiery sigh of relief after it learned it was cut out of Live By Night. It already has to suffer the embarrassment of being on Ben Affleck’s back. It didn’t also need to suffer the embarrassment of being in Live By Night The Superficial

Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump may dance together for a photo-op. Sounds about right – Towleroad

Ex-Real Housewives of New York City cast member Jules Wainstein may soon be knocking on Dorinda Medley’s door to ask for a place to crash – Reality Tea

It looks like Vanessa Hudgens pulled her top down to give you shoulders and tan lines, and I love it – Popoholic

The trailer for the Power Rangers movie is out and it looks really, really good. No, it looks like a piece of shit and now I want to see it – Pajiba

No. – SOW

Emily RideAJetSki really needs to “work” on her lighting because that mess is too dark – Hollywood Tuna 

This is why nerds squirt today – IDLYITW

And this is why UGG-wearing, pumpkin spice latte drinkers squirt today – Popsugar

Vintage sequined glamour brought to you by Teri Hatcher and a tone-deaf version of It’s Raining MenBoy Culture

File under FUCK FUCK FUCK CANCER: Miguel José Ferrer from NCIS: Los Angeles, Crossing Jordan and Twin Peaks has died at the age of 61 – HuffPo

Pic: Entertainment Weekly

 

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Who Is Our Hot Slut Of 2016? Vote In The Final Round!

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Hot Slut of the Year history has been made! This is the first time that a HSOTY grand final has been an all-female showdown. HERstory! And none of them are a dog or a cat. I know, while putting this post together, my face contorted into a giant skin question mark as I looked at that picture and thought, “Hmm, it doesn’t look like any of them communicate through meows or barks only.” I didn’t think an animal-free HSOTY final was possible. But it is!

Anti-Trump warrior princess Ana Navarro won Round 3 and so she’s now in the grand finals with whiskey-drinking, nap-loving legend Flossie Dickey and Not The One empress Bernice Starnes. I’ve written about these three HS angels many, many times, but if you need a refresher about what led them to HS victory, click here for one on the late Ms. Dickey, here for Ms. Starnes and here for Ms. Navarro.

Voting is below. The Queen of Dlisted will be crowned on Friday, January 27. If you plan to pray to your God for guidance on who to vote for, I’ll save you some trouble. Your God will say to you, “You should’ve voted for Joan Collins last January, so I don’t have any advice for you at this time.” Happy voting!


Pics: FOX 28, PIX11, Instagram

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Patrick Stewart Is Voicing The Poop Emoji In “The Emoji Movie”

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Patrick Stewart has the kind of very serious British voice that was made for narrating a documentary about tuberculosis or recording an outgoing voicemail message for The Queen. But apparently some people hear Patrick Stewart’s voice and think it would sound perfect coming out of the mouth of an animated smiling turd, which brings us to where we are now.

The Hollywood Reporter says that Patrick Stewart has joined the cast of The Emoji Movie, the movie about emojis. Sir Patrick will voice the poop emoji. His character’s name is simply Poop. The casting was announced earlier today during a presentation by Sony Pictures Animation. They also announced several other casting additions that make a little more sense than Sir Patrick Stewart. Joining T.J. Miller as an emoji named Gene and a code breaker played by Ilana Glazer will be Maya Rudolph, Jake T. Austin, James Corden, and Jennifer Coolidge.

For those of you who reading this news and picturing a movie about scat-curious emojis, Tony Leondis (the director of The Emoji Movie) explained what the plot of the movie is.

“I know what you’re thinking – WTF. What is their story? Emoji are expected to be one thing their whole lives. So I thought, what if one was born with not one, but lots of expressions…and how would that affect the status quo? Everyone has felt different – it’s everyone’s story.”

Having the poop voiced by Patrick Stewart kind of works for me; who wouldn’t want their BMs to sound all respectable and dignified. But since they’re going lowbrow with a poop emoji character, I really hope they also wrote in an eggplant emoji. And I also hope it’s voiced by The Game, because who else?

Pic: Splash

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Open Post: Hosted By A Heaping Serving Of Chicken à la Class

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Those of you who are educated in the important subject of Phoebe Price may have figured that she’s in DC right now, because as the nation’s premiere seat filler, her services are needed at the inauguration. But I doubt they can afford her going rate (a ticket on Southwest and a food voucher to Dairy Queen), so instead, she delivered gigantic amounts of star power and glamour at the grand opening of World of Wonder’s art exhibit Surviving Trump: The Art of Resistance in L.A. last night.

Chicken Cutlets worked the ho stroll outside of the exhibit in a $10 million Cartier diamond choker (read: a $14 glass choker from Claire’s), a $3,500 custom-made Chanel catsuit (read: the back alley baby of The Slut Dress and a pair of Wrangler jeans) and a $12,000 shearling coat (read: a coat made from the skin and hair of the jealous bitches who die at the sight of her beauty). PP looks like she’s the star of a blaxploitation porn parody starring an all-white cast and my brain is trying to decide if that’s the look or not. And while my brain stains itself, I’m sure your eyeballs are straining themselves while trying to get a good glimpse of PP’s denim camel chicken toe.

Pics: Splash

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Alanis Morissette’s Ex-Manager Admitted To Stealing Millions From Her

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Jagged Little Pill came out when I was too young to get the mall by myself, so luckily someone bought me the tape for my birthday. (A tape which I immediately hid under my bed because there was a “fuck” in it and I thought I was going to get in trouble). The only other person at my school who had Jagged Little Pill was this girl who constantly bragged that she stole it from Zellers. That always made me sad, because why would you wanna rip off Alanis Morissette like that? Well ,Christine the 8th Grade Shoplifter wasn’t the only one to do Alanis dirty.

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Break Out Your Cum-Stained Gap Dress, Because “American Crime Story” May Take On The Clinton/Lewinsky Sex Scandal

January 19, 2017 / Posted by:

American Crime Story’s second season, which is about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, hasn’t even started shooting yet but Ryan Murphy is already looking beyond season two. The third season of ACS will follow sociopath killer Andrew Cunanan (and thank all the gods for Ryan not casting Lady Gaga as Donatella Versace), and it looks like the fourth season may take us back to the days of cigar sex, lies and berets.

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