Open Post: Hosted By Kirstie Alley’s Favorite Olympic Team Celebrating Victory With Karaoke

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Fat Actress” and self-blinded Scientologist Kirstie Alley recently discovered that the US Olympic curling team are the wrong curlers with which to fuck. (The Shelly Long pic slays.) To celebrate their victory against Kirstie’s ignorant curling-hating ways (and surprising everyone by snatching the gold medal from Sweden), the team took to the NBC set to sing some karaoke to Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’.

If that block of stone had ears and eyes, it’d cry tears of embarrassing pain over its team butchering Journey. They should be stripped of that gold medal and charged with disturbing the peace. But hey, it’s way safer than drunkenly stealing a Hummer and going for a joyride.

Pic: Twitter

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The Kardashians, Jenners And Wests Will Face Off On “Family Feud”

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

You probably read that as “their faces will fall off on Family Feud” because that’s bound to happen sooner or later when you’ve toyed with the natural law that much. People reports that Kim Kardashian West, her husband and Instagram tease Kanye West, and Kim’s family the Kardashians/Jenners will compete on Family Feud. Just like you, I too thought that nothing on that show could be as irritating as real-life Horrible Boss Steve Harvey. Proven wrong – all of us. Continue reading

Justin Theroux’s Enemy Neighbor Is Team Aniston

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Hopefully 69-year-old Norman Resnicow has a product to plug or a business to shill. Because he’s getting all sorts of spotlight from his ongoing legal battle with his upstairs neighbor, desperate hipster/dick jogger Justin Theroux. You see, Justin and Jennifer Aniston are about to legally become exes, and she’s highly famous, so everybody wants the dirty dirt. Norman’s got you, and he’s also got a lot of love for that nice Jen girl whom he occasionally rolled eyes with over Justin’s latest porkpie hat. Continue reading

Robin Thicke And April Love Geary’s Baby Is Here

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Aspiring weed farmer Robin Thicke’s girlfriend April Love Geary, 22, gave birth to an unfortunate future custody battle on February 22. As expected, they named their daughter Mia Love Thicke on Feb 22, according to Instagram (and People). Something’s off about that name and it’s probably why the Michael Hunts of the world have already sent Mia sympathy bouquets. And then they sent her some more when they saw her mom’s tacky ass Valentine’s Day photo celebration on IG. In April’s defense, at least she wasn’t posing atop a hooptie inexplicably stuffed with flowers.

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Emma Chambers From “Notting Hill” Has Died 

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

 

At 53! That’s young. Emma Chambers, the actress who played Hugh Grant’s wacky sister Honey in 1999’s Notting Hill, has passed away. Again, she was only 53. Emma’s agent John Grant said that Emma died of “natural causes” in a statement to Deadline.

“We are very sad to announce the untimely death, from natural causes, of the acclaimed actress Emma Chambers,” said Grant. “Over the years, Emma created a wealth of characters and an immense body of work. She brought laughter and joy to many, and will be greatly missed. At this difficult time we ask that the privacy of the family and loved ones be respected.”

One of Hugh Grant’s most popular films, Notting Hill featured Emma as the scene-stealing sister who made Hugh’s tight-assed character marginally interesting. Rhys Ifans shaggy hippie characer also grabbed the spotlight from Hugh, too, and the film-makers wisely put them together by the end of the movie.

Hugh tweeted about his co-star’s passing:

Emma also starred on the long-running series The Vicar of Dibley with beloved British comedian/actress Dawn French from 1994 to 2007.

The only reason to not like Emma’s character in Notting Hill was shared by ALL of the characters. Remember that scene at the dinner party where they decide who gets the last brownie by telling their saddest stories? And Julia Roberts wins because she plays herself as a globally famous actress? Honestly, her tragedy was that she was rich and famous. She was sitting next to a woman sitting in a WHEELCHAIR who fell down her stairs and was rendered PARALYZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN. And she won the brownie. Emma should have demanded that her character stood up and said “You silly bint, you’re rich and she’s never going to walk again! GIVE HER THE BLEEDIN’ BROWNIE.

Rest in peace, Emma.

Pic: YouTube

Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

The spotlight-stealing attention whore squirrel who crashed the women’s parallel giant slalom snowboarding event at the Winter Olympics yesterday!

Yesterday, I paid tribute to the dainty jewelry box ballerina who gracefully leaped onto the ice and brought some much-needed elegance and art to the 1,000-meter speed skating event in PyeongChang on Friday. And today, I’m paying tribute to another gold medal-winning event crasher who managed to make an Olympic event all about them.

While Austrian snowboarder Daniela Ulbing was doing her run during the parallel giant slalom event, a pesky ass squirrel jumped in front of her. Either that squirrel was hired by a rival to sabotage Daniela (I didn’t know that Tonya Harding was competing at PyeongChang as a parallel giant slalom snowboarder) or that fluffy attention whore will do whatever it takes (even risk DEATH!) to get some camera time. The squirrel ran in front of Daniela’s board and was nearly taken out before it stopped and did the OH SHIT! shuffle by reversing. The squirrel didn’t fuck up Daniela’s flow, and she kept on, kept on.

Ester Ledecká of the Czech Republic took gold in that event, making her the first woman to win gold medals in different sports at the same Winter Olympics (she also won gold in Alpine skiing). Two German snowboarders took silver, and bronze. Daniela Ulbing ended up in seventh place. And that squirrel’s South Korean squirrel friends probably threw it a parade and a party for fucking with those annoying ass humans who took over their land during the Olympics. That squirrel made them proud.

Pic: @NBCOlympics

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