Night Crumbs

April 24, 2017 / Posted by:

Prince William, Duchess Kate and Prince Hot Ginge did a recorded conversation about their anxieties for the mental health charity, Heads Up, and this may be the first time that I’ve ever heard Duchess Kate speak. What’s really weird, though, is that the video is over 6 minutes long and not once does she burst into song like the princesses do in Disney movies. The hell kind of princess is she? – Lainey Gossip 

They must’ve Photoshopped out all of the cats crawling up her legs,” thought Brandi Glanville Drunken Stepfather

Serena Williams reminded everyone that she’s #1 again in an Instagram open letter to her unborn baby – Celebitchy

Methinks that Demi Moore’s nipple popped out to tell her to lose those Uncle Terry glasses already – The Nip Slip

Sheree Whitfield shouldn’t stretch out her wig-shifting hand just yet, because Kim Zolciak says her return to The Real Housewives of Atlanta isn’t a done deal – Reality Tea

Not everything in the news is depressing trash. Case in point: a world champion ginger pole vaulter came out as gay. Yes, a pole vaulter  – Towleroad

Panty Creamers of the Day: Muscled-up superheroes adding more muscles to their bodies – Pajiba

I was going to talk shit about Jenna Dewan’s ensemble, but then I saw Channing Tatum’s traveling preacher outfit – Popoholic

Selena Gomez’s TV brother got married – Popsugar

My frozen heart started to get the awwws for the makeup-wearing yodeler…. until I read that he wants to be like Kylie JennerOMG Blog

It looks like Coachella barfed all over Victoria JusticeHollywood Tuna

Nobody cared about Caitlyn Jenner’s newest Diane Sawyer interview – Jezebel

RiRi made the mistake of posting pictures of THE QUEEN’s head Photoshopped onto her body, because THE QUEEN is working those looks a million times better than her – IDLYITW

Elton John is taking a break from his Las Vegas show after catching a bacterial infection that took him out – Just Jared

Pic: YouTube


The First Promo For ABC’s TV Remake Of “Dirty Dancing” Is Here 

April 24, 2017 / Posted by:

When you drag your living carcass out of bed tomorrow morning, before you do anything, go to the mirror and say, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.” I’d bet my weekly weed budget that your half-asleep, out-of-it ass would say that line with more enthusiasm and charisma than TV Johnny Castle does in the first trailer for the Dirty Dancing remake we really don’t need. If Baby being put in a corner is dependent on Johnny’s delivery of that line, then Baby better forward all her mail to “A Corner” because she’s going to stay there permanently.

A couple of weeks after ABC dribbled out dreadful stills from their Dirty Dancing remake, they’ve released a 30-second teaser trailer and survey says: MESS! This looks like a Dirty Dancing tribute done by the cast of a knock-off Glee TV show that airs on Freeform. Abigail Breslin (who is 21 in real life) looks like she’s barely in junior high school here and Colt Prattes (who is 30 in real life) looks much older than her. So when he asks Baby, who looks like a baby, what her name is, I expected Chris Hansen to jazz walk out and tell Johnny Castle to have a seat in the chair over there.

And I have a feeling that there’s going to be gale force winds on the night of May 24th. Because the makers of Dirty Dancing 2, the Dirty Dancing reality show and the Dirty Dancing TV series are all going to breathe out a giant sigh of relief since they’ll no longer be the ones responsible for the worst butchering of Dirty Dancing in history.

Pic: ABC

Open Post: Hosted By Kenny G Serenading Passengers On A Plane

April 24, 2017 / Posted by:

While United is ordering airport police to drag paying customers out of their seats and American Airlines is making moms hysterically bawl, Delta is filling the ears of their passengers with the soft velvety notes ejaculating out of Kenny G’s saxophone. Every doctor’s office’s favorite artiste played a mini-mini concert on an early morning Delta flight from Tampa to L.A. on Saturday. That seems really damn cruel. If Kenny G’s music is like sandpaper on your nerves, then it’s torture having to listen to him while trapped in a flying metal prison where the only exit is a door to doom. And if Kenny G’s music does things to you, then it’s not right to have to sit through a long flight in a puddle of the snatch syrup that leaked out of you while watching that curly-haired adonis blow on his sax. But it was for a good cause!

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Jesse Williams And His Wife Of Almost 5 Years Are Done 

April 24, 2017 / Posted by:

TMZ says that Jesse Williams, the star of Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (oh yeah, he’s in that Grey’s Anatomy shit too) and his real estate wife, Aryn Drake-Lee, have decided to partake in Hollywood’s second favorite sport after butchering your favorite childhood classics. I’m talking about divorce. TMZ says that either Jesse or Aryn, they don’t know which one, filed for divorce last week. They’ve been together since 2008 and made two kids: 3-year-old Sadie and 18-month-old Maceo. Sources say that their break up is “amicable,” but well….. If those blind items are true, then TMZ’s sources’ definition for “amicable” must be: sloppy, messy and smelling like side trick cooze.

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