It’s time again for another chapter in the ongoing saga titled: How Serious Are Jennifer Garner And That Burger-Flipping Tech CEO. Today we’re talking about what title Jennifer Garner has bestowed upon John Miller, the guy she’s reportedly been seeing for about seven months. Seven months is definitely long enough to call someone the b-word. But according to People magazine, she’s not calling him that. A source says that Jen is keeping it casual:
“She doesn’t call him her boyfriend. But she loves getting attention from John. They have fun together and it’s easy. She only sees John when she isn’t busy with her kids. He understands that her kids are her number one priority.”
The source adds that John still hasn’t met her three kids, which might contribute to how casual Jen is keeping things. She also appears to be enjoying how quiet and un-public this relationship is.
“As far as dating goes, Jen very much enjoys it. For so long, she couldn’t see herself dating. Her friends are very excited that she is dating. She is very much trying to get things private though.”
The source also says that Jen is happy that both her’s and John’s divorces have finally been wrapped up. But who cares about that? What matters here is what she’s calling John when she gets white wine drunk with her book club. Is she going with the standard “my man“? The much more gag-triggering “lover“? Personally, I think she should play off his job as a burger chain CEO and call John her all-beef patty daddy.
Sometimes you take a big swing and you miss. It can happen to anybody. What’s important is that you dust yourself off and keep it moving. I hope that the dollmaker who took a noble stab at making an Idris Elba doll, will one day find it within himself to sculpt and paint again. A niche British doll company called Emperis was just trying to do a thirsty world a favor by creating a likeness of Idris that customers could fit in their pocket (flesh or fabric, no one’s here to judge). Unfortunately, the resulting doll didn’t turn out looking much like Idris. It looks more like Montel Williams after he’s eaten too much cheese.
And then there was Kyle Richards.
If you don’t have a life (welcome to the club!!!), you probably follow multiple Real Housewives fan pages on Instagram like I do – y’know, to keep up with the gals between seasons! Lisa Vanderpump has been curiously absent during much of the filming for the upcoming Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills season, and it could be that she knew she’d pale in comparison to the return of Camille Grammer (my theory that is most certainly not true) or that there was some spat involving Dorit Kemsley and a dog she adopted from Lisa’s organization and later returned (seems legit). There was a lot of questions about if she was even still in the cast since she didn’t go to Camille’s wedding, and it seems like she is quitting that bitch.
At the 2001 Oscars, Björk laid a swan egg on the red carpet. The baby swan in that egg is now grown up and looks like this. Feel old yet?
The TV network reboot of Brangelina’s shit show of a custody fight was brought to us by Vanessa Marcil (of General Hospital and Beverly Hills, 90210) a couple of days ago when she publicly dragged Brian Austin Green, the father of her 16-year-old son Kassius, for putting her through custody battle hell and for not spending any time with their son in 5 years. Vanessa painted BAG and his wife Megan Fox as diabolical demons who spent 8+ years trying to get full custody of Kassius (with Vanessa paying child support). When their plan failed for good 5 years ago, BAG cut off Kassius and they’ve only seen each other in passing. That’s what Vanessa claimed. Some of us played Oprah’s SoWhatIsTheTruth.GIF in our brains over Vanessa’s claims, because BAG and Kassius were photographed together in Mexico last year, and BAG has posted about Kassius on his Instagram. But Vanessa is now here to tell us that yes, BAG and Kassius were in Mexico at the same time, but it was some sponsored shit, and yes, BAG has been to a school play, but other than that, his relationship with his son is as dead as the feeling in Megan Fox’s current face.
My Hot Tip For Hot Dudes: Keep it shut! That’s it, it really is that simple. Fewer clothes, fewerer words. You would have thought that Michael B. Jordan would have learned this lesson by now after ruining a perfectly good fantasy about me, him, Lupita and Martin Freeman (don’t you dare judge me) tied up together in a Wakandan Knot by speaking out on separate rumors that he was gay and that he and Lupita Nyong’o were dating. Now he’s making things weird again by re-addressing the rumors that he only dates white women, when all I really care about is that he’s staying hydrated and not skipping glutes day.