Night Crumbs

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Meanwhile on The Tonight Show, Panty Creamer Hall of Famer Jason Momoa shot a big wet load on Jimmy Fallon. I have to hand it to Jimmy Fallon, getting Jason Momoa to shoot a big wet load is one way to get people to temporarily forget about the time he had a cute little kiki with Jabba the Trump – Just Jared

Beyonce’s glasses look like two titties with extra pointy nipples – Lainey Gossip

James Franco’s accusers say that he’s not a Weinstein. Well, I guess “Weinstein” is now considered DEFCON 1 when it comes to Hollywood pervs – Celebitchy

Meghan King Edmonds claims she quit Real Housewives of Orange County, and this was shocking news to me, because I completely forgot she was still on that shit – Reality Tea 

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Darren Aronofsky Might Have Moved On To Suki Waterhouse

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

The last time we checked in on Darren Aronofsky and Jennifer Lawrence, they were reportedly giving their relationship another shot. That was a few days before Christmas. Something may have happened since then, because a month later, it appears 48-year-old Darren is now hand-holding in front of the paps with 26-year-old Suki Waterhouse. The Daily Mail posted pictures of Darren and Suki strolling around Park City, UT during the Sundance Film Festival. New year, same dating age bracket for Darren.

Suki was most recently linked to Diego Luna. Before that, she was with Bradley Cooper. Darren likes to date actresses he works with, and Suki has been trying for a while to be an actress. So maybe Darren has a secret new project in the works that Suki has signed on for? I look forward to whatever that project may be, since it can’t be worse than mother!, right? No really, please, I don’t think we could handle something worse.

The Daily Mail says that Darren and Suki were practically “attached at the hip” while walking in Park City. Normally I’d be the first to scream “THEY’RE DOING IT,” but the fact their walk too place in January in Utah has me a little skeptical. If you’ve ever walked around in the snow, you know that at any minute a patch of ice can appear and you’re on your ass. If I’m walking next to you in the snow, I’m staying close enough to make it seem like we share an umbilical cord.


Mo’Nique Is Still Slapping At Netflix For Cheaping Out On Her

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Mo’Nique recently called for a boycott of Netflix after she says they offered her $500,000 for a stand-up special. If I had money, I’d pony up at least $10 million for an Orange Is the New Black cross-over with a sequel to I Coulda Been Your Cellmate. But apparently Netflix and I don’t see eye to eye, and they’d rather give millions to Amy Schumer, Dave Chappelle, and Chris Rock.

Wanda Sykes chimed in and said Mo’Nique wasn’t the only black female comedian Netflix had done dirty in the wallet department. One of the arguments against Mo’Nique was that she just isn’t as bankable at Amy Schumer. Well, Mo’Nique would to talk about bankability.

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Brandi Glanville Went In On Gerard Butler And Says She’s Embarrassed To Have Ever Known Him

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

…That’s her job! As with any celebrity feud these days, Gerard Butler may have ruffled some feathers with a recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live. He made it sound like he had no idea she was on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills (and prone to cameo on just about any other reality show that will take her). So he was surprised after their casual hook-up to get mobbed by TMZ wondering what his housewives tagline would be (my suggestion: “These broads aren’t the only ones who look good in a skirt!”) since he had no idea what a Brandi Glanville even is. Naturally, she took it like a champ. Cough. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By A Busted Up Crispy Ronaldo Checking To Make Sure He’s Still Beautiful

January 23, 2018 / Posted by:

The entire country of Portugal probably gasped until their lungs collapsed on Sunday when one of their most precious landmarks, Cristiano Ronaldo’s face, got kicked during a match.  I don’t know how you say “NOT THE FACE! NOT THE FACE!” in Portuguese, but I do know that Crispy probably internally screamed it so hard that it’s a miracle his head didn’t explode.

During a match between Crispy’s team Real Madrid and Deportivo La Coruña, he dove to the ground and was kicked in his most prized possession by player Fabian Schär. Crispy was laid out on the grass as he his bloodied up mug was checked out by medical professionals, and I’m sure he asked them, “Does my gorgeous face look like my bust now?” Crispy was able to get up and went full Crispy by immediately using his doctor’s phone to see if his beauty was still intact. People on Twitter laughed at Crispy’s ass for checking his face on a phone, but they shouldn’t have. This is serious! To Crispy, getting hit in the face  by a beauty-hating cleat is probably the worst thing to ever happen to him.

The woman who accused him of rape and the tax people in Spain probably want to buy Fabian’s cleat a drink.

Crispy is going to be okay, but he have a purple eye when he was papped during training yesterday. For Crispy’s sake, let’s hope his eye fully recovers and doesn’t affect his second favorite thing to do after staring at his beauty in the mirror. I’m talking about bulge-gazing!

Pic: YouTube

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