Open Post: Hosted By This Dad’s Blazing Hot Michael Jackson Moves

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Here’s your dad revealing his deepest secret to the world. He was a backup dancer for a Michael Jackson tribute band called Bubbles the Chimp for a brief period in the 1980s. Mashable was kind enough to bring us this guy breaking it down for all of us while dancing to the MJ songs on the PA before a Janet Jackson show in Brooklyn on Wednesday night. Apparently, the routine’s from the “Remember The Time” video?

No one in that auditorium had better thrown any shade this dude’s way. People were probably tee-heeing thinking they were better than this guy cuz’ THEY weren’t making fools of themselves by emulating the King of Pop. Well, those h8ers were wrong! This guy has ALL the balls! This sort of gutsy performance is only made possible by intense courage, natural rhythm, and as few fucks as humanly possible.

This man was FEELING IT!!! #JanetJackson #MichaelJackson #StateOfTheWorldTour

A post shared by Nico Vargas-Germain (@ridiculous__nicholas) on

Pic: Instagram

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In Unnecessary News, Mackelmore Uses A Justin Bieber Painting To Delay Ejaculating

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

After reading that post title, be my guest and mirror every single blank stare” GIF ever posted.

Liberal guilt junkie Mackelmore has put his normal wailings of “WHY ME? WHY AM I A WHITE RAPPER WHO HAS SO MUCH??? WHY DO THEY AWARD ME GRAMMYS WHILE BETTER RAPPERS GO HUNGRY?!?!” aside to promote his new record (sans Ryan Lewis) called Gemini. The album must be below par cuz’ he’s breaking out the weird stories to distract us. Weird stories like how he uses that painting of a nude Justin Bieber that he bought to delay his orgasms. Wouldn’t that mean he’s NEVER going to have an orgasm? Is this post actually about how Mackelmore is the chastest white rapper in the game?

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Usher Won’t Be Writing A Check For $20 Million

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Usher has allegedly given the herp to multiple sexual partners, as evidenced by several accusations that have been brought against him from both women and men. The biggest Valtrex bill that Usher received was one for 20 million from a Laura Helm in Georgia. Unfortunately for Laura’s bank account, those rumors that she was going to drop the suit have now become fact. TMZ reports that Laura’s attorney filed for a dismissal, and Laura is no longer accusing Usher of casting her in his allegedly true-life version of It Follows. Continue reading

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Lena Dunham Feels That Her Only Problem Was Bad Timing

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

Dlisted favorite and attention enthusiast Lena Dunham cemented her “Most Hated Faux-Social Justice Warrior” status on Friday when she publicly disputed a woman’s rape allegation. Lena (alongside her frequent collaborator Jenni Konner) released a statement describing actress Aurora Perrineau’s rape allegation against Girls writer Murray Miller as “misreported.” To get an idea of how THAT went over, just take a scroll down yesterday’s comments section of that post and multiply by everyone on Twitter. Lena obviously realized that her backflip off the “women never lie about rape” stance she tweeted a few weeks back had earned her even more hatred than usual. So she released another statement yesterday and pretty much chalks it up to being the wrong time to say that Ms. Perrineau a liar.  Continue reading

David Cassidy Is Very, Very Ill And Needs A Liver

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

70s pop star icon David Cassidy, 67, is in a very bad way. He was rushed to a Florida hospital this week with his organs failing, and TMZ is reporting that his doctors are saying that his “prospects are grim.

David is currently on a breathing tube in the hospital’s ICU. The Patridge Family star has been in very poor health for months now, and is in dire need of a liver AND a kidney transplant. It looks like that’s not going to happen even if they snag the organs. Sadly, it reads like the doctor is pretty much “eh, why bother?” at this point.

As one source puts it, “There’s really no issue anymore for a transplant. It’s futile.”

David was put into an induced coma when he was first brought in but has been in and out of consciousness since then. The hospital staff has reportedly summoned his family to the hospital for a final visit.

David Cassidy has been open about his ongoing struggle with booze, and has been pulled over for DUI numerous times in recent years in both New York and Florida. (He’s been convicted, but never had to serve any time.) Proving that getting old is the worst and we should all just turn in our lives at 70 and ascend to a plane of existence without hip problems and demonic grandchildren, David revealed that he suffers from dementia earlier this year.

On a side note – they had better not kill him off early like they did to Tom Petty. Death’s final indignity is still being alive and your hospital room’s television telling you otherwise.

Pic: WENN

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

November 19, 2017 / Posted by:

The bloody armadillo cake made by Aunt Fern (as played to perfect by the late great Ann Wedgeworth) from Steel Magnolias!

Strolling up to the VIP check-in at the gates of heaven yesterday was Malcolm Young and Cher Horowitz’s favorite designer Azzedine Alaïa, and joining those two legends was underrated diamond of an actress Ann Wedgeworth. Heaven is now a much more talented and glamorous place, because Ann Wedgeworth died on Thursday after a long illness at a nursing home in the New York City area. She was 83. Before I mention many of the gifts that Ann gave to us (including today’s HSOTD), let me pay tribute to her magnificent over-the-shoulder glamour pose skills:

ripannwedgeworth2017

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