Bennifer 2.0 is no more! Although it seems like it took longer than it took to cram Ben into his Batsuit, the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner divorce was actually pretty painless and amicable, compared to others we’ve seen. Especially if you ignore that whole waiting for Ben to dry out business (twice!).
According to TMZ, a judge has signed off on the final documents in their divorce, and the two are now single and free to pursue any Playboy Bunnies or Robot Hamburger Men they choose. And they did it all without hiring any lawyers! Well, they did hire Laura Wasser, Divorce Attorney To The Stars, but she only acted as a mediator.
That sneaky Jennifer Garner has been lying to us! The recent reports about what’s been in Jennifer’s wallet only revealed that she was “open to dating”, but it turns out she’s been stuffing condoms in her wallet for the last six months! Us Weekly reports that Jen’s been dating John Miller, a tech CEO who makes hamburger flipping robots for an In-N-Out knockoff called CaliBurger. Sources say “They’ve been together six months — and it’s getting pretty serious”. And to think, this whole time she was throwing us off her trail by driving Ben to Jack In The Box instead!
Just two days ago, everyone reported 46-year-old recent rehab graduate Ben Affleck and his 22-year-old Playboy model girlfriend Shauna Sexton broke up after about two months. Well, Shauna might be harder to shake than The Nanny, because she doesn’t think she’s Ben’s ex-girlfriend just yet.
Ben and Shauna had just returned from a trip to Montana, and everything seemed a-ok in their world. Then a day later, a source spoke to People, saying they’d broken up, and that Ben was focusing on his sobriety, his family, and his next project. Shauna tells DailyMailTV that it’s not true:
“I know [there are lots of unnamed insiders] – and they just make shit up, just like this. Don’t believe everything you read.”
“It was casual to begin with, and wasn’t the right move. It was newish. They were really only sort of seeing each other for about four weeks. He broke it off. It was more about realizing [a casual relationship] wasn’t the right thing for him.”
Another source tells People that the split was the relationship equivalent of a casual, apathetic shrug, because Ben and Shauna weren’t much of anything in the first place. So what does this bring us to now, two for broken up and one for still together? Shauna might want to come up with a different strategy for convincing us she’s still with Ben, because right away, she’s already outnumbered 2-to-1. She needs hard proof, like another Jack In The Box run with Ben. We’ll pretty much know for sure what’s up if “Ben” looks suspiciously like a promotional movie theater carboard cutout of Batman.
The ink may still be drying, but Jennifer Garner is officially single and ready to mingle her way to a relationship that maybe requires just a teeny less amount of time being Mama Bear like she was with Ben Affleck as of late. Who can blame her. With all that cash back and travel points she gets from Capital One, she’d be the best girlfriend to have!
True love is just fleeting, I guess…or maybe Shauna Sexton didn’t care for Big Sky Country. Either way, most people weren’t all that surprised when Ben Affleck was seen out with Shauna, a 22-year-old Playboy model. People did get a little surprised when it seemed like they were still a thing after he went to rehab and was still meeting up with her. Most people thought it wasn’t exactly the picture of clean living and trying to better one’s life while canoodling with a non-sober trick who isn’t old enough to remember when Good Will Hunting was in theaters. Ben, freshly out of rehab, must finally have agreed with that sentiment, and sources are saying those two are no longer a thing.
I’ve never completed a 40-day stint in rehab and officially gotten divorced in the same month, so I don’t know how I would celebrate such a milestone. If I was Ben Affleck, I might roll up to Jack In The Box with balloons and let the employees know that for the rest of the day, all drive-thru orders were on me. But Ben Affleck had other plans. Shauna Sexton and Ben are still going strong and spent the weekend in Montana.