The American listeners who went hunting in supermarket aisles for Primo Pizza Squeeze and came up empty deserve an apology from me, so this episode starts off with that. Once I try to right that wrong, Allison and I talk about Victoria’s secret hatred of putting transgender and plus-size models in her fashion shows, Alicia Silverstone’s vegan super child, and Michael C. Hall’s fluid sexuality. We also talk about scat parties at Taco Bell, Duchess Meghan’s new diva reputation by the tabloids, Jaden Smith declaring Tyler The Creator his boyfriend, and Chris Pine’s peen… because we can never get enough of that, obviously.
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Tyler Henry and The Long Island Medium don’t have to quit the psychic game just yet, because Allison and I wrongly predicted who People would pick as their Sexiest Man Alive 2018. Once we weep about that (and slobber at the mouth over Idris Elba getting the title), we talk about the latest in the Brangelina custody saga, the refined and expensive tastes of JK Rowling’s ex-assistant, and we discuss if chamomile is tea or not. Thank you for that, Benedict Cumberbatch! Other highly important topics we get into are: Chris Pine’s peen in Outlaw King, Satan suing Netflix, and Duchess Meghan taking her baby on the subway. We end by using Oprah’s annual Favorite Things list to talk about some of our favorite things. Warning: The words “prostate massager” and “pizza squeeze” are used in the same segment.
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The beginning of this episode’s theme is EYES! I talk about my ongoing eye drama, and then Allison and I talk about Pete Davidson, whose ex-fiancee got pissed over a website saying he has butthole eyes, getting into trouble for making jokes about a Republican congressional candidate who lost his eye during battle. From there, we talk about Rebel Wilson overusing the block feature on Twitter after declaring herself the first plus-size actress to star in a rom-com, and THE QUEEN inviting Duchess Meghan’s mom to spend Christmas with the royal family. We quickly burp up out thoughts on the Spice Girls reunion and Frankie Grande’s throuple before guessing who People will name as their Sexiest Man Alive 2018. By the time this episode comes out, you’ll already know who People’s Sexiest Man is, but if Allison or I guess it right, just call us SLYCIC!
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. And you can e-mail us at email@example.com if you want to bitch us out about something, or if you have a not-too-deep dilemma you want advice on.
And by “messy time of year,” we of course mean Halloween. Allison and I talk about our Halloween costumes from the past, like her Yoko OnoYouDidnt get-up and my No Ass Mariah costume. We also get into The Onion-like story of Lena Dunham writing a movie about a Syrian refugee, Josh Duhamel needing to grow a sense of humor, the ongoing saga of Sofia Vergara and Nick Loeb’s frozen embryos, 50 Cent and Ja Rule’s middle school playground beef. We end this episode by diving back into Halloween and reading some scary and ridiculous stories you all sent in. Two things I learned are to never live in a 19th century farmhouse, and if I ever meet Lisa Marie Fucking Presley, only talk about Elvis to her.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. If you’ve got some feedback (Note: This Halloween episode was haunted by the ghost of sound issues) or want advice from two messes, e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org!
After I take off my tinfoil hat (or “aluminum foil hat” as my dumbass calls it) about the lottery being rigged, Allison and I get neck deep in the blackface messiness that Megyn Kelly created for herself. Once we cleanse ourselves, we talk about how Jennifer Garner’s new boyfriend might be a robot, and we learn that we chose the wrong path in life. We should’ve been a TV actress with a zillion endorsement deals named Sofia Vergara. Then we quickly talk about how many women John Mayer has humped on and who was the biggest ho on the set of Grease. We end our show by asking you to use your ears to try to the guess the voices of two legendary sopranos and one newly found soprano songbird… or songdonkey in this case.
You can listen to us on iTunes, Stitcher, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, and Google Play. Allison and I are looking for scary ass stories for our Halloween episode, so if you’ve got one, stick it in our inbox by e-mailing email@example.com!
Allison and I both saw Halloween over the weekend, so we prove that we’re the new Siskel & Ebert (if Siskel & Ebert knew nothing about movies and had trash taste) by talking about it, rating it, and worshiping at the badass memaw feet of Laurie Strode. But before we do that, we get into Amy Schumer telling Maroon 5 to quit the Super Bowl halftime show, Prince William’s jealous bone possibly shaking over how much attention Duchess Kate and Prince Hot Ginge are getting, and the morbid replica of the Titanic. Allison also imagines what Amy Schumer’s baby is going to look like and I cast myself in a porn starring Chris Hemsworth and his hot friend.
And for our Halloween episode, we’re asking listeners to send in their real scary stories. So e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve got one!