If you can believe a royal snitch, we’ve been getting the story about the Kensington Palace smackdown somewhat wrong. After all these months hearing from tabloids and such about Duchess Kate and Duchess Meghan fighting, we’re now hearing that Kate may not be the one “mysteriously” leaving YouTube clips of Meghan opening briefcases on Deal Or No Deal up on the royal family’s Apple TV. Nick Bullen, a longtime royal filmmaker, is out saying the real fight is between Prince Harry and Prince William. Cue up the “Harry Hid All Of William’s Rogaine During Holiday From Hell!” headlines.
Since Prince Hot Ginge is in the mood to split things, he should split these cheeks. And just like that, I earned another ten years on my restraining order.
Last October, the rumors of Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s feud with Prince William and Duchess Kate started when we all learned that they were splitting up offices. That filled our head with the image of Meghan and Kate fighting over the last Yoplait in the refrigerator and PHG passively aggressively taping a note that read, “This is not YOUR house. I am not YOUR maid. Clean after yourself!,” onto a cabinet in the break room after Kate and William didn’t wash their dishes. And after months of rumors about things between PHG and Willy being tenser than a bodyguard’s butthole whenever Prince Philip took the wheel, it was reported in February that the split of their households was going to happen very soon. Today is that “very soon,” because THE QUEEN has taken a royal machete to their joint court and split that bitch up.
That Duchess Meghan just can’t help herself. She always has to take the opportunity to shove the fact that she’s doing Prince Hot Ginge full-time into the jealous, unlucky, stupid faces of us PHG-heads. Did she really have to use Commonwealth Day to show us the hat she wears while “playing nurse” with PHG in their bedroom. How cold!
Today is Commonwealth Day, and you might be thinking that’s the day when royals flaunt their wealth in front of the commoners, and you’d be right. But that’s every day. Commonwealth Day is a holiday to celebrate all the traitors to THE QUEEN (aka the former territories of the British Empire). Commonwealth Day services at Westminster Abbey in London today brought out Meghan, PHG, THE QUEEN, and a bunch of other royals nobody really cares about.
Kensington Palace Denies That Duchess Meghan And Prince Harry Are Going To Raise A Gender Fluid Child
Sorry, Celine Dion. I guess Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan won’t be a loyal customer to your gender-fluid baby line! There was a rumor that Meghan was telling her friends she wanted to raise her baby in a gender fluid way, but Kensington Palace hissed out a statement about how, just because Angelina Jolie visited once, doesn’t mean everyone is taking after her parenting skills! OK, they may have phrased it slightly different than that.
If Duchess Kate is smart, she’ll inventory all the good shit at Kensington Palace because Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan are on the fast track out of there, and the official split between Harry and Prince William’s joint professional royal household will go down in a matter of weeks. She can’t risk Meghan making off with Queen Mary’s good silver!
George Clooney Thinks The Media Is Vilifying Duchess Meghan And It’s Becoming A Princess Diana Situation
In case you didn’t know from George and Amal Clooney cheesing it up at the royal wedding and his Kentucky cousin saying that he’d be a perfect godfather to the royal ginger American baby, the Clooneys are friends with the Duke and Duchess of Suckit. So while promoting his new Hulu series Catch-22 at the Winter TCA, Australian magazine WHO asked him if he’s going to be the godfather to Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan’s baby. George let out a, “No!“, before laughing and then crying while thinking about how if he was that baby’s godfather, he could somehow convince PHG and Meghan to name the kid Duke or Duchess Casamigos. George then got serious and called for the media to stop relentlessly dragging Duchess Meghan.